Smoking is Bad
by Red to Black
Summary: 2 out of 3 members of the Mabudachi Trio smoke. Ayame doesn't want the others to die without him so he will try to make them stop. writing more as you read this!
1. Doomed

A/N: I might've tried too hard to make it funny... it just doesn't come naturally anymore, even with the mabudachi trio. w/e. read and enjoy. please review if you aren't too lazy.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Furuba! Natsuki Takaya does!

Hatori sat down and put a cigarette in his mouth. He searched for his lighter around his desk and thought about what had happened. Momiji was a little overexcited today, for reasons unknown, and leapt into the arms of an innocent girl passerby. She thought that he was the most adorable little thing and wasn't scared of his transformation, but Akito ordered her memories erased. As Hatori stood above her with a pained look in his eye, he could almost see Kana in the little girl who was crying for the memory she was about to lose.

"I can't take this anymore! Where's my damn lighter!" Hatori mumbled and started throwing papers around, looking ever more frantically.

"Looking for thiiiis?" Ayame taunted, holding two lighters above his head. Shigure was crying beside him, tugging on his dress with an unlit cigarette also in his mouth.

"Haaa-chaaan… He stole my lighter!" Shigure whined, with more tears rolling down his cheeks and the biggest puppy dog eyes you'll ever see.

Hatori stood up, looking angry. "Why?"

"Hah hah! I cannot allow you two to smoke any longer!" Ayame said triumphantly and threw the lighters into an incinerator that just so happened to be in Hatori's office. (Then it disappeared.)

Shigure regained his manly composure as Rin passed by. She was staring at them suspiciously, but then quickly continued on her way. Once she was out of hearing distance, he broke down and started crying on the floor. He pounded on the floor with his fists and bawled his head off.

"I could have sworn you were twenty-seven years old… Hey what are you doing with those?" Hatori rolled his eyes at Shigure but became panicked when Ayame picked up his last fresh pack.

"Into the magic incinerator it goes!" Ayame shouted over the loud crying of Shigure and threw them into thin air. The magic incinerator didn't appear. "What? Nooooooooooo… The world is doomed without the incinerator! Noo! Doomed I say!" He started running circles around the still crying-like-a-baby Shigure, trying to pull his hair out and screaming "DOOMED!" Hatori calmly went over to the cigarette pack and picked it up. He placed the one from his mouth back into it and snuggled it away in his pocket. Then he walked over to the chaotic grown men that were freaking out over such little things. He pulled Ayame's hair and threw him to the ground. Ayame just bounced back up and started brushing his hair with a hair brush that also appeared out of no where. Hatori gave a good kick in the chest to Shigure, who then curled into a little ball and sucked on his thumb.

"Ok…now that we have some quiet, what are you trying to do, Aaya?" Hatori asked, getting more and more irritated.

"I'm saving you from the inevitable death which is cancer or emphysema or another horrible disease that I can't remember right now!" Ayame said valiantly, still brushing his hair to make it shine.

"Oh yeah… these little things are bad for you, aren't they…" Hatori whispered to himself and started to ponder.

"Yes! That is why you two must quit. I cannot have you both dying on me and making me the sole Mabudachi member. And this is for you guys too. You don't want to die a painful death because of that tar in your lungs, now do you?" Ayame replied and flounced over to him. He slid a hand into the pocket where Hatori put the cigarettes, gave a lustful look at Hatori who sighed and looked away, and then flounced back, looking proud of himself. "Now, into the incinerator!" Before he threw it this time, however, he checked. Once he was sure that it was there, he chucked it and gave a maniacal laugh. "I know the addiction is overwhelming, boys, but you must try! Never give up! And if you get too frustrated or depressed, you must call on me to make you feel better! I am your temporary cigarettes and lighter! Now away, I must take Gure home since he is in no state to make it there without attracting attention."

Once Ayame left, Hatori sat back down and put a hand over his face, already feeling the addiction strangle his mind. _This will probably be harder than anything I've done before_, he thought. _But Aaya always listens to me… I know he knows best right now. I can try. It's what she'd want me to do_.


	2. All Night Long

A/N: Nyaaah. I'm so happy I got reviews. Other than Cat's. My head is spinning with Japanese since I've been communicating with 3 people from Japan in Japanese. but I'll try to write good English, yes?

…I look at stats and I see: 35 hits, 4 reviews. Interesting, ne? OMOSHIROI.

DISCLAIMER: WHEEEEEEE. See last chapter. D

((I'm hyper. I researched nicotine withdrawal too.))

Shigure stirred the little pieces of carrot in his instant ramen around with his chopsticks. The soup tasted funny, so he didn't feel like finishing it. Meanwhile, Aaya was "changing" in Yuki's room. He was only upstairs, but Shigure felt so lonely. His vision blurred into and out of focus, and he considered going out to the backyard where he buried an emergency pack. He is a dog, after all.

As his thoughts wandered, the cup of ramen disappeared. The chopsticks turned into ants. He fought back a tear, then screamed across the house, "AAYAAA! WHY DOES YOUR MAGIC STUFF KEEP DISAPPEARING! WAAAAAHHH…." He covered his face with his hands and fell over.

"Gure! Everything will be alright!" Ayame waltzed down the stairs in a different outfit than he came in (remember, he owns a clothes shop for men's fantasy romances). A fluffy shojo background magically appeared behind him and his yellow eyes sparkled like… dog pee. He was wearing a long black dress, a lightweight black cape, and a huge wizard's hat that kept falling over his beautiful dog-pee-like eyes. After the moment of seriousness, the shojo background evaporated. he put on his happy-no-cares-in-the-world grin and skipped over to Shigure, waving his hands like a pansy. "Look! I'm a wizard!" He pulled out a pink baton with the cloth on the end so you can make pretty designs in the air. "Look at my magic wand! MAGIC!"

Shigure sniffed.

"Don't you like magic?" Ayame questioned, looking sullen.

"…"

"Behold the power which is magic! …"

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH…." Shigure resumed his previous crying like a baby.

Ayame blanked. He twirled his MAGIC wand valiantly around Shigure's head. Then he shouted, "Maniacally Agitated Gorgeous Icy Creature!"

Sesshoumaru appeared for less than a second and then disappeared with a pink poof. Ayame blinked and Shigure stopped crying. "Mr. Sexxy?" the crybaby asked.

"No!" Ayame shouted and poked the wand at Shigure's mouth. A pacifier appeared, and Shigure sat there, content. Aaya sighed and pushed the wizard hat back above his eyes. "Oh dear, the sun is setting! I guess that I _must_ spend the night with you, for some crazy rapist might come attack me in the dark! Do you agree?"

Shigure forgot about the lack of nicotine in his system and raised an eyebrow. He shot the most lustful and handsome look that he could at Aaya, even with a pink and yellow pacifier in his mouth.

"But what, oh what shall we do till the sun rises and it is safe once again?" Ayame questioned, and winked at his immature friend.

---

The two lay in bed. Ayame's hair was everywhere. Shigure snored with the pacifier still in his mouth. There was a laptop near the foot of the bed, still on and making weird noises. Shigure opened a bloodshot eye and noticed the laptop still on. He nudged Aaya, but he didn't wake up.

Gure crawled on his stomach over to the laptop. As he did, he pulled his kimono shut and rubbed his eyes. Soon he felt the arms of a still drowsy Aaya around his chest and the man lying on top of him.

"Gure… I'm don't wanna wake up yet…"

Shigure pulled the pacifier out and set it on the bed beside him. "Oh, I'm sorry Aaya. But can you believe that we played Starcraft: Brood War _all night_ long?"

A/N: And what were YOU thinking! Perverts.


	3. In the Morning

A/N: I'd just like to thank those who do review… and scold those who don't… come on… a 124 hit to 7 review is not a good ratio. TT

Thank you, October Darkness and Bass Star Cardians Webmis for the favorite/alert. You give me a purpose to write.

Yes, Shigure and Ayame play Starcraft. They don't do…other stuff. Because that's gross. Personally I'm not too fond of yaoi but… whatever.

I'm verrryy fond of Ha-chan right now. I just reread volume 2 and I was really sad. I HEART HIM SO MUCH.

This chapter isn't very funny.

DISCLAIMER: Shut up. The story's almost over anyway. You obviously know that I don't own them. Or else I would be drawing this into manga form with awesome skillz. But I'm not. On with the story.

Hatori woke up in the early morning with a huge headache. He glared at the clock on his laptop. He had fallen asleep on the couch in the middle of a game of Starcraft with the other two thirds of the Mabudachi Trio. They were kicking his Zergie butt with millions of Photon Cannons from Aaya and multiple platoons of Scouts from Gure. His Zerglings and Hydralisks were no match for Aaya's castle, and by the time he was almost dead, his vision blurred, and he fell asleep.

"6:34 AM…" he muttered and let his head fall back onto the couch. _I've been smoke-free for 14 hours. I must keep going._ Groggily, he flipped his MP3 player on and a song from The Starting Line's CD "Based on a True Story" came on.

_I've never been so happy to see…_

One in the bathroom, Hatori grabbed his trusty comb and brushed his ruffled hair to the left side of his face.

_a photograph of me than when graced with your company…_

He muttered to the mirror as he did so, "Must look good for no apparent reason… must look good for no reason…"

_You're making a small change to the way that you wear your heart…_

Then he went to the kitchen, poured some water into a coffee maker, and put in some random coffee beans that just so happened to be lying around.

_I like it better...I like it... I like it better now…_

He blinked twice at the coffee maker. "When did I get this! It must be a magic creation of Aaya's… I wonder when it'll disappear."

_I'll swing from a streetlight  
as I will sing oh, oh, oh_

He chuckled to himself at the thought of what is in coffee. Caffeine. _I'm just adding more stimulants to replace nicotine._

_and I'm stuck in the meantime  
but we're so, oh close_

Then he searched his house for anything else new that Aaya made with his MAGIC to cheer him up. He found a half-naked poster of Sesshoumaru in his bedroom.

_The sunlight's overwhelming the scene that's  
composed of you and me in our finest moments._

Of course, the laptop and the Starcraft game were new. The laptop was pink and had ruffles around it, and Hatori had never played Starcraft before. But, as a doctor and a fairly intelligent gentleman, he learned how to play pretty quickly.

_An amazing illusion was made with trick photography  
it seems like you're really...you're really..._

It was so addicting. Everything. Coffee. Video games. Cigarettes.

…_it seems like you're really here._

Love. That's so addicting too. So many things to try and escape from. Each one harder than the next. He heard some dogs barking and howling in the distance. Shigure must be awake. That means Aaya's awake too.

But he didn't feel like playing video games with them again. He thought he should check up on Akito, but thought better of it. _He's probably sleeping. It's early Sunday morning. _

_I'll swing from a streetlight  
and sing oh, oh, oh  
and I'm stuck in the meantime—_

Hatori whacked the MP3 off. The acoustic emo song was really starting to depress him. The MP3 player whined back, "I'm not emo! Stop making fun of me!"

The MP3 player was MAGIC too. He checked his normal laptop to see if that had been fiddled with. There was a new video file on the desktop. Cautiously, he double clicked it, watched a few seconds, then clicked it closed and shut his eyes in annoyance.

"Souma Ayame, I'm going to kill you."

A/N: HAHA. I'm making a cliffhanger for you guys. Just to...hmmm…I dunno. Bug you. Cause I'm going on vacation for two weeks and won't be able to post more! YAY CLIFFHANGER. MWAHAHAHAHA.

The song is Photography from The Starting Line. Very good song. I guess the lyrics are appropriate for Hatori's feelings, but I just put it in there cause I like that song.

I had to pee twice during the writing of this chapter.

By the way, the nickname for Sesshoumaru, Mr. Sexxy, is copywrite to Cat (bluesakuras). I think I'll put more cameos from other anime characters too.

I know the truth behind Akito, but some don't. So I won't reveal it.


	4. Cigaretteless

A/N: Gomen for not writing for a while. It's been like. Omg. Like almost a year. And it's quite late at night now. And my writing style has changed yet again.

Disclaimer: See previous chapter.

"SOUMA AYAME! WHAT IS WITH THIS LAPTOP YOU GAVE ME!" Hatori screamed into his cell-phone, his face flushed with embarrassment at what he had found on the fluffy pink laptop.

"…nn…Ha-san it's too early to be yelling at mee…" Ayame replied groggily.

"Well I'm yelling anyway. Now explain."

"Oh I can't remember what I put on there. You must come by and show it to me and Gure. Then we can have a nerdy LAN party and watch Digimon and quote Starwars and eat bagels and all that good stuff. K? Good. I expect you over here in promptly five minutes. I-"

"No! We aren't nerds who are going to sit around being nerds! I appreciate the laptop but its content-"

"OH NOW I REMEMBER! But, Ha-saaaan, I thought you like hardcore Inuyasha yaoi! You know with the Sesshoumaru and the Naraku and the hot tub and the-"

"NO! THAT IS WRONG!"

"But it's hot. Admit it. It's hot."

Hatori abruptly hung up his phone and chucked it across the room. It must've been MAGIC too, because it started cursing at Hatori with various profanities that even Hatori hadn't heard of.

"Anger management you fing b! Treat your d cell phone with fing respect! Or else I'll get my buddy PDA to shove a up your with a and a and probably even some . Yeah that's right. Walk away. I see. coward!"

Hatori sighed and reached inside a drawer for a pack of cigarettes. His eye twitched when his hand felt something unusual (and he didn't want to know what it was) and realized that Ayame must have gone through his house and picked out all cigarettes. Then his lip pulsated when he remembered that he was supposed to be quitting smoking.

"F!" he yelled and heard the doorbell. _Great, now what could it be. Anything to make my day even worse, I s'pose._

Before he could even get up to get the door, Ayame ran through the door with a red-eyed Shigure behind him on what looked like a leash.

"MY DEAREST HAA-SAN! HOW DARE YOU CURSE PROFANITIES! I was only a few feet from your door when I hear none other than the infamous F-word from your beautiful, cigaretteless lips!" Ayame proclaimed, shaking a finger at the miserable dragon.

"Aaya…Cigaretteless isn't a real word. My computer is putting little red lines under it and-" Shigure interrupted, having remembered trying to use that word before.

"ALAS! If your computer were made with MAGIC, then there would be no little red lines! Oh no! There would be a thousand red flaming claws coming out of your monitor trying to claw you to death, since it does not like your sad attempt at a word," Ayame declared knowingly. Shigure and Hatori just sat there with blank looks on their faces, too tired and cigaretteless to understand or even care about the crazy things Ayame just said.

Sighing, Hatori clenched his fists and sat down on the couch, knowing nothing else to do. Becoming more sympathetic, Ayame sat down next to Hatori and laid a hand on the clenched fist.

"My dear Haa-san… I am sorry for putting you through so much pain, but you know and I know that it's for your own good. I swear you'll thank me for this later," he consoled. Hatori didn't respond and just sat there for a few minutes until Shigure came up with a brilliant idea.

"I. AM. A. GENIUS. I. KNOW. WHAT. WE. CAN. DO." He said very matter-of-factly.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…no."

And at that, Shigure broke into tears and began to bawl on the floor again, devastated beyond belief that his great idea will never be used.

That was, it would never be used until he got his great second idea of how to make them listen to his great idea which is another idea in the first place. Who knew little Gure-san could think of so many ideas with such a seemingly small mental capacity?

All he had to do was…

A/N: Lawl cliffhanger again. Sorry about the lame-ish chapter. I just wanna see if anyone who liked this is still alive. Let me know :3


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